Finding Myself at 42: Letting Go, Healing, and Spreading My Wings

By: Brianne Johnson

My mom used to say something that I always used to roll my eyes until recently: the first 40 years of your life you live for everyone else, and the last 40 you live for yourself.

At 42, I finally understand exactly what she meant.

For most of my adult life, I lived in service of others—professionally, personally, emotionally. I showed up. I cleaned things up. I carried things that weren’t mine to carry. I stayed in spaces that no longer brought me joy because I believed that was what being responsible, committed, and “good” looked like.

It took a medical diagnosis to wake me up.

My body was telling me what my heart had been whispering for years: I was getting sick trying to be everything for everyone. Stress, burnout, and people-pleasing were no longer abstract concepts—they were living in my nervous system. Something had to change.

Healing required me to do something I had never truly allowed myself to do before: slow all the way down. I became an introvert. A homebody. Someone who chose quiet over chaos, depth over constant connection. And in that stillness, I realized something that felt both liberating and scary—I actually liked this version of my life.

Even though many people around me are energized by constant interaction, I learned that people drain me. And that is okay.

Through therapy, psychiatry, deep inner work, and a lot of honesty with myself, I started to find me again. Not the version shaped by expectations or survival—but the one rooted in truth. By January of this year, I could finally say it out loud: I am living as the woman I want to be.

I go to Pilates because it feels good in my body.

I show up on social media creatively—not frantically.

I create because I want to, not because I’m chasing approval.

Then, life offered me another moment of reckoning.

I received notice—again—that I would not have a job in the upcoming school year. Last year this happened, I was paralyzed. I grieved deeply. I mourned an organization that shaped me, a role that changed me, and leaders who impacted me in ways I will forever carry. Losing that job felt like losing a loved one. I clung to familiarity because it was the only thing that felt safe.

This time was different.

This time, it felt like closure—and an invitation.

As scary as the unknown still is (because change is hard for me), I feel something else now too: empowerment. I know I have skills. I know I bring value. I know I wasn’t being used to my fullest potential—and I’m finally ready to say that out loud.

So I’m looking outside of education.

I don’t have all the answers, but I know what feels right. I want to blend what I do best: coaching, culture-building, supporting teams, helping leaders shine, and creating spaces where people can become their best selves. Long term, my dream is to be a full-time creator—owning my time, my energy, and my voice. I’m not there yet, but this feels like the next brave step toward it.

I’ve even created a vision board—not for a job title, but for a feeling:

How I want my work to feel.

The energy I want to bring.

The environment I want to be in.

And most of all, I’m trusting the Lord with the unfolding.

This is the beginning of a new series for me—the story of a 42-year-old woman losing her job, finding herself, and spreading her wings anyway. I don’t know exactly where I’ll land, but I do know this: for the first time, I’m choosing myself.

And that feels like freedom.

-Brianne

Follow along while I share my journey of becoming me! Instagram & Facebook.

Here’s the Instagram link: 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUf6ir2jmfa/?igsh=MW1oYncydWdjZjVobQ==

Here’s the Facebook link: 

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1AQYB3iZ5F/?mibextid=wwXIfr