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Returning to What Matters
I’m not going to lie: This summer was a hard one for me.
My son went on great adventures while I stayed home. As a single mom, I thoroughly enjoyed making it possible for him to attend Space Camp, Scout Camp, and a trip to Germany. It was a stretch, and my family helped, but I made it happen.
When my husband died almost seven years ago, I wasn’t sure I would even be able to keep our house, much less afford the summer of my son’s dreams. Yet here we are, with a phone full of pictures: riding a human gyroscope, mountain biking over a jump made from an old door, and standing with 36 teenagers in front of the Brandenburg Gate. The summer was full of priceless memories.
Paying for the adventures was difficult, but the hardest part for me was the loneliness. It made me realize that my rising sophomore has only three years left at home—and then this may be my life.
The school year is hard. It’s hustle, hustle, hustle. I often feel as though I’m running at full speed from the moment I wake up until my head hits the pillow. I trail after my very active boy, and I’m increasingly helping care for my parents and my late husband’s mom.
So many times over the past seven years, I’ve thought, If I could just have a week off from caretaking, I would be so happy. I dreamed of cleaning up only after myself, working out in the middle of the day, watching whatever I wanted on television, reading a book with the dog, and eating nothing that required cooking.
I did all of those things—and they didn’t actually make me happy. I realized that I’m pretty boring without all the hustle.
While Henry was gone, I consciously decided to try some new hobbies. I’ll report that, while I’m not good at either one, I love going to the driving range and hitting golf balls. Pickleball might be the most fun I’ve had in a long time.
I ate snacks for dinner and spent many mornings reading trashy novels on the patio with my dog. I tried to savor the slowness, the quiet, and the true independence of solitude.
As with all good things, it was time to return to routine.
School started today, and I was up early getting ready for the first day. Sunday was spent preparing for the week. First-day outfits were laid out, the meal board in the kitchen was filled in, time was spent with the grandparents planning for the week, and Alexa was set to remind us both to get out the door on time.
As I write this, my feet are up after taking more than 15,000 steps as an assistant principal, and my son is playfully chatting with his “bruhs” online.
Today was hustle, hustle, hustle.
Tonight, I’m reminded that my word of the year is consistency. Consistency takes planning, routines, and discipline. This time of year, getting back into a routine can be difficult, but it is absolutely necessary for managing the daily hustle of life.
As a school leader, I make hundreds of choices each day. By the time I get home, my brain hurts. To make good decisions for my family, I need routines that allow me to stop thinking about certain choices and simply act.
When I plan the meals for the week, I can come home and prepare them instead of being tempted to pick something up on the way home. Working out with my trainer early in the morning ensures that I begin my day with what matters most: my health. Preparing my lunches for the week means I can run out the door knowing my body has the fuel it needs to get through the day.
Routine gives my brain the rest it needs. It allows part of my day to run on autopilot. Creating routines that make life work better gives me the time and space to be a good mom and focus on what matters most.
What matters most to me is staying connected to my incredible son. That realization led me to create a routine that helps us talk about the things that matter. If I ask Henry about his day, he’ll usually say, “Good.” One-word answers aren’t good enough for me. I needed a routine to make sure we really talk each day.
As I head out the door in the early morning, I make sure Henry’s feet are on the floor. Then I remind him to call me from the car once he has brushed his teeth.
Together, we say three affirmations I learned from Mel Robbins’s podcast:
Today is going to be a good day.
Something cool is going to happen today.
No matter what happens today, I know I can handle it.
She recommends several others, but these are the only three I can remember, so we stick with them.
At the end of the day, we reflect on those affirmations. We ask each other what was good, what was cool, and what we handled. I try to celebrate for both of us the things we managed to do—even the things we didn’t want to do. I’m convinced these conversations are helping us become more resilient.
Henry knows I’m going to ask him about his day, so he pays attention to the moments he might want to share. And I can wait a ridiculously long time while he thinks.
While many of the routines I’ve created save me time, energy, and brain space, this one requires me to think. It requires me to have meaningful conversations with my son. Through these conversations, we discover what matters, celebrate small wins, and focus on what we can do.
This routine reminds me daily to focus on what’s important, automate what isn’t, and be present with the people I love. It creates time to connect amid the hustle and space to plan for big adventures.
As we all settle into the daily grind and hustle of the school year, look for the routines that need to be put on autopilot. Then add a few that make big dreaming possible.
--Emily
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